10.20.2014

You Got This.

This morning while scrolling through an endless amount of emails, I came across this video and it  made my day. Sometimes all you need is a little reminder saying, "You are not alone." Motherhood is a huge rush of contradicting emotions--of fear & confidence, of frustration, & patience, of exhaustion & thrill, of contentment & longing, of losing yourself & finding yourself...motherhood is full of heartaches & bliss, tears of sadness & tears of joy, it is full of the ordinary, the extraordinary, and the most gallant women on earth.

In today's world where social media rules as king in communication we tend to see only the latter. I often find myself feeling that motherly "guilt" when I am feeling overwhelmed. I wonder, "Am I doing enough?" "Am I doing the right thing?" Sometimes I will scroll through my Instagram feed and see other mothers' posts think, "how does she do it?" "how can she juggle the world with such ease when I'm struggling just putting on a matching pair of socks?" I see women with multiple children and I wonder, "Will I ever feel capable of having another child?" These types of questions weigh heavily on my heart & mind.

 What I often forget is a picture only captures a moment. I forget many of those photos are taken in the midst of chaos, they're moments born under a lucky star, a quick snapshot within the eye of a storm. We all feel flooded, we all feel unsure at times, but we are all doing the best job we can with what we have & what we know. As the great Maya Angelou said, "When you know better, you do better" and I keep that lesson in my repertoire as a constant reminder to live in the present and to let go of the past. I did then what I knew how to do, if I'd have known better, I'd have done better.

The teacher I am subbing for gave birth to her second baby on Friday. She has already taken both children to Costco (the place I dread going even sans kids), is out and about, and living as if the new baby had been here all along. For a brief moment I felt envious. That wasn't the experience I had, although it was the experience I had so anticipated & wished for. And in all honesty if I ever do muster up the guts to have another baby, I'm highly doubtful I will jump back into the swing of things so readily as she has. I feel happy for her, I think it's great she's able to do that, but that's simply not me. I am currently in the process of learning to accept things as they happen to me, rather than having expectations which only seem to disappoint me when they aren't met as planned. Life is all about plan B, am I right? In situations like that of the teacher I spoke of, I must to remind myself, she is a more rare case than normal. I then tell myself, "You are not her.You are you, and you are enough." As women, we sometimes get lost in a world of comparisons. When this happens, recite this affirmation: You are you, you are nobody else. And you just as you are more than enough. And always remember....

You Got This.
xo C.


10.15.2014

Sick Days & The Second Bubonic Plague. Oh & my best friends birthday!

Where have I been? Sick. That's where. I've been in the realm of the world where troubles melt like cough drops, and clouds are shaped like kleenex tissues--but they aren't in the sky, they're piled high like the Matterhorn in a mound on the floor next to my bed. It started up two fridays ago with the sniffles and my head feeling like it was in a fishbowl of helium. I left work, picked up Luca from my grandmothers and headed home. Luca had been fighting a bad cold of his own which led me to believe I either picked up whatever he had, or one of my students graciously gave me their unique influenza. No kidding, it's taking them out in masses, domino-effect status. I'm calling it the second bubonic plague. I'm taking vitamin C and probiotics like I've been abandoned in death valley and I'm just finding water. My tongue is hanging out, I'm panting like a dog, and I'm doing the slow-sexy-crawl to the goods (except mines not sexy, although I'd like to think otherwise). My nose is dripping like a leaky facet and it's creating a red carpet to my supplies, but I'm not at the Oscars (It's red because the dry weather has my nose bleeding constantly). I'm walking scuffling my way to the award for "longest cold ever!" Here's the speech I rehearsed,  "I'd like to give a special thanks to Kleenex "cool touch" tissuesHonest Company hand gelBadger Balm Chest Rubprobiotic powder, and TJ's vitamin C gummies. I'd also like to thank my son Luca for keeping things moving, keeping me smiling, and for struggling with me. I'd like to thank my granny for being a godsend, and a very special thank you to my husband for being my caretaker. and I think that's it, yeah that's all I got." What do you think??? I don't know, I'm thinking something a little more edgy...Yep, It's official, I'm delirious.  It's bad...It is now Wednesday, officially mid-October and I'm still blowing my nose. Look out people, get your flu shots, wash your hands, stay away from hand sanitizer (currently loving this TIME article about why I'm breaking up with hand sanitizer), brush your teeth, and take your vitamins!
This cold is a strong one and a very resistant one at that, keep healthy everyone! And to all of you who feel my struggle, I am with you, I know what you are going through!!! And my poor, poor baby Lu, he is finally starting to perk up, but he has been fighting this cold the longest and has been such a trooper. We also found out this week that his tear ducts are closed and may need to be surgically opened in January if the problem doesn't self-correct. Has anyone been through this? please comment and let me know what the procedure is like, I'm so stirred up. You hear surgery and your child's name in the same sentence and immediately feel nervous. My husband took him to the eye specialist and thankfully we are good friends with the head of the opthamology department, so I will be able to get the medical scoop from her. I had to take Luca in to urgent care on a separate occasion because he had a horrible wheeze and cough and of course the first thing I thought of was the Enterovirus. Aren't all of us moms freaking out about that D68?!!! Or am I the only one??? I've been sleeping with Luca and with one eye open, continuously checking his breathing. Semi-Psychotic? Maybe, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. I do have good news surrounding the issue though. My doctor confirmed to me that as of yet, there as been no known cases in Riverside county. He secondly comforted my fears by letting me know the enterovirus is not a new virus. He said the news likes to hype everyone up about it to have a good story, but the enterovirus has been circling for years, and every year thousands of children and adults die from the common flu which is why it is so important to get the flu shot. The only thing happening with the enterovirus this year that is worrisome is doctors think it may have mutated. They are still researching and looking into it to confirm, but as of yet they have no answers. He said without doubt, the flu shot will not make you sick, confirming it is a dead virus and your best shot at defense against the flu. I hope that eases some of your thoughts and fears and urges you and your family to get vaccinated against the flu. My pediatrician also informed me how important it is for you to get vaccinated when you have young children. He said because of their small immune systems it is very difficult for them to fight off such a strong virus, you will essentially be putting your child in danger by avoiding the flu shot...He said you could be carrying the virus and not even know you have it and subsequently pass the virus on to your little ones. Not good! What are your thoughts, opinions, and fears about the flu shot?  I got mine and the only downside was having a sore arm for a day or two. I know there is a lot of controversy surrounding the flu shot, so understand these are only my thoughts and experiences surrounding the issue, and my advice should not be replaced by that of your medical practitioner. 
With way too much being said, I'd like to move on to more exciting news. My best friend, Emily, turned 23 a couple of weeks ago and I wanted to share with you the gift I put together for her. She just moved into a small studio in Long Beach, so I wanted her gift to encompass her new home, gardening, and of course fall! I found the latte bowl at Anthropologie, along with the seed packets (sold out, similar here) and chalkboard herb markers (also sold out, comparably cute ones here & here). The mini acorns I found at Crate & Barrel. I tied together some chalk I used to write on the garden picks. So simple & so so cute. I hope this inspires you! I loved the way it turned out! What are your go-to gift ideas for girlfriends? I'd love to hear! I hope all of you who are under the weather are feeling better, and I hope all of you not under the weather stay over the weather! Cheers to Humpday! I don't know about you, but this girl's in desperate need of a TGIF...If only, if only. Here's to the dream friends! It'll be here before we know it, and then we gonna party like it's 1999! Ok, ok I acknowledge my cool meter just went down at least three notches in your books but Prince and I share a birthday, so I had to. 
Here is my beautiful friend and soul-sister, Em (Also the god-mother of my son). Our friendship started circa 2005 and has been going strong ever since our first days on the tennis court and in Catholic School. She is the epitome of what it means to be a good friend, and I seriously do not know what I would do without this beautiful soul in my life. Emily, you are simply the best! Here's to 23 years of greatness on earth and I wish you a hundred more! Sorry to group you with the second bubonic plague, but you too are contagious so it works! 
The happiest of birthdays to you my sweet sweet friend! You know I love you! xoxo 
Girls, they wanna have fun, oh girls they... that's all they really want, those girls they wanna have fun...