You're gonna miss this.

We were on a roll. I had the best behaved baby of all time until...

Luca decided sleeping through the night wasn't for him anymore.

He wakes up at least twice in the middle of the night where I find myself begging for him to self-soothe. Miles and I are losing our minds. We're walking zombies for the actual duration of time we can keep our eyes open during the day. It's too bad I'm not currently drinking caffeine because I am in desperate, desolate need for some energy. ay ay ay.

I'm hoping this is some sort of growth spurt or time change/weather fluctuation issue we can resolve very soon. So I pray.

 Ever since he was born, Luca has always surpassed the "standard" feeding measurements. When they said he should be taking in 2-3 oz he was gulping down 4-5 oz, and now this kid takes down 9oz bottles every 3 hours like it's no ones business. We even started adding rice cereal to his bottle to give him a little more substance, but it seems now he's more ravenous than ever.

If you have ANY suggestions, please do comment and share. Something has gotta give.

I'm so tired that even when I do fall into shitty 1/2 hour intervals of sleep throughout the night I have crazy dreams that have my heart racing a hundred miles an hour. Just last night I dreamt that I had actually been pregnant with twins when I was pregnant with Luca and somehow they forgot to deliver the second baby. So I went into labor out of the blue (just what you want to re-live right??) and even more tragic, I got a shotty epidural that did absolutely nothing and I was gonna have to deliver this 3 month past due baby all natural. I was crying in my sleep, and all I kept thinking was how I was going to have two babies to be up all night with. What a nightmare. 

This morning I was on the phone with the nurse seeing what more I could do. She sadly told me that some baby's don't really get a good "sleeping though the night" habit going until six months. As I took in this devastating news, my phone dies. I finally get reconnected, and by now Luca is tired and fussing on my hip while I'm holding the phone with my shoulder trying to lean in to where my cell phone is connected to the ridiculously short charging cord while at the same time trying to hold Luca's paci in his mouth with my other hand. As I'm finally getting some concrete advice as to things I can try with his feeding schedule, Luca spits up all down my shirt. I can feel the warm curdled milk slowly dripping down to my pant line, and just as I think things can't get any more hectic, the doorbell rings. I quickly cut the call short, and realize it's my boss at the door. I forgot he told me he'd be coming to pick up some paperwork. I'm covered in throw up, Luca is screaming in my ear, and I'm trying to hold back the enormous flood of tears about to stream down my cheeks. I answer the door, apologize for looking like a train-wreck, and handle my business. Once he leaves, Luca and I cry our eyes out together for a good five minutes. Luca falls asleep, of course he is exhausted from being up all night long. And the only word that comes to mind in that moment is 'overwhelming.' Motherhood can be completely overwhelming sometimes, and no one ever tells you that. Well I'll tell you, sometimes you feel like you're going to go insane. It helps to have a good cry every once in a while,  I always feel better after I do, and as crazy and unpredictable as all of this feels at times, just remind yourself "you wanted this," and think things like "you'll be begging for puke when he turns sixteen."

 Everyone has told me, this too will pass, and as they grow they give more and more back than you ever thought humanly possible. And so it goes. Already I've been given so much back. The pure love they give you is more than enough. And I know it goes by fast. This chaotic time is merely a speed bump in the big scheme of things. Already Luca has grown so much from when we first brought him home. He has hit more than a handful of milestones, and we keep trekking on. 

So when the going gets a little rough and the waters are a bit choppy, I just quote Trace Adkins. "You're gonna miss this. You're gonna want this back. You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast. These are some good times, so take a good look around, you may not know it now, but you're gonna miss this."

Date Night

Friday night Miles and I went downtown and had our first date since Luca was born. It was so nice to get some one on one time uninterrupted and with no responsibilities for a few hours. This was Luca's face when we broke the news to him that we would be leaving him for the night...(and I'm not gonna lie, it was just as difficult for me!) It's funny how you think that at this age they'll actually notice you're gone or won't get by without you while your away. I'll tell you something though, as soon as I handed Luca off to my granny he wouldn't have cared or noticed if I'd have left for the entire week! He was just as content as could be, which of course made me a little sad, but I knew he was in good hands so I got over it.

Getting out helped me to reclaim my identity outside motherhood and made me realize how good it feels to just do you sometimes. Being consumed by your baby those first few months sometimes makes you forget who you were before they made their way into your life. For me, the line between Mama and Chelsie had become a bit blurred, but I seemed to pick up right where I had left off. 

You know I couldn't pass up a photo op with a fall display on a street corner in little Italy. 

Or throwing in this random yet perfect e-greeting that describes precisely how I feel.

Miles and I found an adorable Italian restaurant to eat at called La Villa. I saw Butternut Squash Ravioli on the menu and decided we need not look further, although indecisive me ended up ordering something totally different. 

Blame it on Fall, but I'm in a soup craze. My passion for anything warm and cozy cannot be tamed. From the first of September until Valentines Day I revel in the cool weather and will look for any excuse to bundle up,  throw on a sweater, and serve myself something hot in a bowl.  

Miles and I recovered that romance that tends to get brushed off to the side somewhere between warming bottles and changing diapers. It was like beginning anew. We ate good food, and talked and talked. We shared laughs and of course could not resist babbling on about how much we love our baby boy. Since Luca, I have fallen in love with my husband all over again, but for different reasons than I had before. As each new challenge or chapter unveils itself I know at my core that we will get through. Somehow, someway we will always find our way back to one another. If I've learned anything, I've come to know that the good times will always be good, and getting through the hard times makes the good times that much better and our relationship that much stronger. 

Here's to living a real life fairytale. xoxo.