and send it back in time to myself at seventeen... I'd start like this:
dear chelsie,
first, i'll prove it's me by saying, look between your mattress and box spring. you'll find a stack of cosmopolitan magazines your mother would kill you for reading. did you find them? ok, now throw that trash away and read a real book.
now that that's out of the way...
what could I possibly tell you, that you don't think you already know, because I know you think you have it all figured out, and you know everything, don't you?
first, i'll prove it's me by saying, look between your mattress and box spring. you'll find a stack of cosmopolitan magazines your mother would kill you for reading. did you find them? ok, now throw that trash away and read a real book.
now that that's out of the way...
what could I possibly tell you, that you don't think you already know, because I know you think you have it all figured out, and you know everything, don't you?
well I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you don't know everything, and even at 24 you still will find yourself trying to figure out where the heck in this wild world you belong...
you are very mature for your age, yes, but my oh my do you have so much to learn...
about life.
about relationships.
about forgiveness.
about loss.
about love.
about motherhood.
about happiness.
part of me doesn't want you to know about these things just yet because your naivety and innocence are beautiful and they shield you from so much angst and hurt. The other part of me knows that when you know better you do better, so I'll share with you some things, but not all things so that somehow that very shy, unsure girl can sort some of this out on her own, and in the midst of living all the questions, I promise you...you someday, so suddenly, will stumble upon all the answers.
right now your life revolves around friday night lights, you live for the weekends. you sleep in until noon and pull all nighters (& your future self wants to know how you make tired look so easy?). your main stressors at this point include mr. salvador's history exams, your forehand in tennis, boys (oh lordy, why boys??), college applications & making sure you hair, every strand, is perfectly straight because that's whats in right now & you have to be relevant. you feel like this is your prime, and you are constantly working to fit in, to feel "perfect," and if you can do that, maybe, just maybe, everyone will like you. your hair is curly, and it is beautiful. i wish you would let it down every once in a while. i wish you wouldn't pile on so much make up because your out of the "acne" phase and your skin is flawless. less is more. i wish you wouldn't fight so hard to be like everybody else. i know you want everyone to like you, but you can't please everyone, so please yourself. you'll learn later on that people will like you for being genuine, and if they don't who cares, you won't ever see most of these people again. & i hate to break it to you, but these aren't the best years of your life.
i know your high school friends feel like the most important people in your life, but you'll only maintain a relationship with a few, so don't put too much stress on what group your hanging out with. you are so in love with your wonderful high school sweetheart, quinn. try not to fall too hard because in college you will slowly, overtime realize he isn't "the one," and breaking his heart will be one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. But, on second note, that innocent love you have is precious, it's honest & true, so continue to love freely and feel loved in return because you're going to need him soon, and you'll realize people come in and out of your life for a purpose.
this summer will be one of the most life changing summers of your entire being. your entire world will be shattered. i want you to know this in advance so you can brace yourself before you're hit (metaphorically), but in hindsight, knowing sooner rather than later won't make any sort of difference. what i will say is this: treasure your mother more. hug her and kiss her and tell her you love her every chance you get. you have so little time with her left. ask her about her childhood, her love life, her pregnancies, her marriage, her demons, her happiness, her favorite life lessons, and ask her if she needs anything. write everything down. when you find out your mom is battling for her life with stage 4 cancer, don't do anything different. don't be so afraid of life as it's happening. cherish all of it. when you move away to college, come home every chance you get and take only a few classes. you'll have forever to graduate, but only a few months left with your mom. when your mom passes away, don't be so hard on yourself. let grief happen naturally and be more expressive to those you can lean on. everyone wants to help you. you aren't a burden & they aren't going to be upset at you for breaking down. you need them right now.
forgive whichever god you believe in right now. don't put so much blame on the universe. no one is at fault, and i know, i know, this is so difficult to believe, but you will be happy again. i promise. this is a season of your life and you are growing. right now you are hurt & angry, a lethal combination. but you'll survive. and one day you'll have a beautiful family of your own. you'll have a wonderful husband and a beautiful baby boy. you won't know how you could love anything more. you'll wonder often how difficult it was for your mom to leave you because you can't imagine ever leaving your son. you don't hurt so much in the future. you are so happy.
help out your little sister. don't try to be her mother, she already has one, she needs a sister. i want you to realize now what a blessing your sister is in your life. you are two peas in a pod and it only gets to be better. your relationship is one in a million. you become best friends, just like sisters are in the movies, but so much better.
all the relationships leading up to your marriage serve a purpose. you're learning what you do and do not want in a partner, so pay attention and don't waste so much time on the losers. keep a diary. your future self would love to read it. you have a habit of daydreaming. when people tell you this is bad, don't believe them. you do so well in college, don't stress so much. you hate that you are good at english, but that will be your major and soon enough you'll love it. when you receive your acceptance letters in the mail, don't worry, you pick the right one. you are so hardworking and a great juggler. don't worry, none of that changes. you're going to learn about yoga & meditation and this will change your life, so when that happens, run with it. travel as much as you can to everywhere and anywhere and take way too many pictures. even the "bad" ones look good to you in the future. learn to stay organized, learning at 24 turns out to be way more difficult. you say now, you will never be a teacher, you're a teacher. you have so many ideas and you can't figure out which ones are important. they all are. prioritize and pursue them all. your marriage will require a lot of selflessness and good communication. practice these things now. for the billionth time, quit worrying! you're gonna end up just fine.
now, go be 17 because 24 will be here before you know it.
say hello to mom for me
your future self,
you.
i know your high school friends feel like the most important people in your life, but you'll only maintain a relationship with a few, so don't put too much stress on what group your hanging out with. you are so in love with your wonderful high school sweetheart, quinn. try not to fall too hard because in college you will slowly, overtime realize he isn't "the one," and breaking his heart will be one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. But, on second note, that innocent love you have is precious, it's honest & true, so continue to love freely and feel loved in return because you're going to need him soon, and you'll realize people come in and out of your life for a purpose.
this summer will be one of the most life changing summers of your entire being. your entire world will be shattered. i want you to know this in advance so you can brace yourself before you're hit (metaphorically), but in hindsight, knowing sooner rather than later won't make any sort of difference. what i will say is this: treasure your mother more. hug her and kiss her and tell her you love her every chance you get. you have so little time with her left. ask her about her childhood, her love life, her pregnancies, her marriage, her demons, her happiness, her favorite life lessons, and ask her if she needs anything. write everything down. when you find out your mom is battling for her life with stage 4 cancer, don't do anything different. don't be so afraid of life as it's happening. cherish all of it. when you move away to college, come home every chance you get and take only a few classes. you'll have forever to graduate, but only a few months left with your mom. when your mom passes away, don't be so hard on yourself. let grief happen naturally and be more expressive to those you can lean on. everyone wants to help you. you aren't a burden & they aren't going to be upset at you for breaking down. you need them right now.
forgive whichever god you believe in right now. don't put so much blame on the universe. no one is at fault, and i know, i know, this is so difficult to believe, but you will be happy again. i promise. this is a season of your life and you are growing. right now you are hurt & angry, a lethal combination. but you'll survive. and one day you'll have a beautiful family of your own. you'll have a wonderful husband and a beautiful baby boy. you won't know how you could love anything more. you'll wonder often how difficult it was for your mom to leave you because you can't imagine ever leaving your son. you don't hurt so much in the future. you are so happy.
help out your little sister. don't try to be her mother, she already has one, she needs a sister. i want you to realize now what a blessing your sister is in your life. you are two peas in a pod and it only gets to be better. your relationship is one in a million. you become best friends, just like sisters are in the movies, but so much better.
all the relationships leading up to your marriage serve a purpose. you're learning what you do and do not want in a partner, so pay attention and don't waste so much time on the losers. keep a diary. your future self would love to read it. you have a habit of daydreaming. when people tell you this is bad, don't believe them. you do so well in college, don't stress so much. you hate that you are good at english, but that will be your major and soon enough you'll love it. when you receive your acceptance letters in the mail, don't worry, you pick the right one. you are so hardworking and a great juggler. don't worry, none of that changes. you're going to learn about yoga & meditation and this will change your life, so when that happens, run with it. travel as much as you can to everywhere and anywhere and take way too many pictures. even the "bad" ones look good to you in the future. learn to stay organized, learning at 24 turns out to be way more difficult. you say now, you will never be a teacher, you're a teacher. you have so many ideas and you can't figure out which ones are important. they all are. prioritize and pursue them all. your marriage will require a lot of selflessness and good communication. practice these things now. for the billionth time, quit worrying! you're gonna end up just fine.
now, go be 17 because 24 will be here before you know it.
say hello to mom for me
your future self,
you.
1 comment:
Beautiful Chels!
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