Our baby boy finally came into the world on July 23rd at 12:55 pm. He weighed in at 8lbs and was just under 21 inches long. I had no idea I was carrying around such a big baby!
Don't worry there won't be any photos of Miles wiping sweat off my forehead, or any disturbing-ly bad photos of me in hard labor making weird animal faces. If you've seen any of those pamphlets they give you in lamaze classes you'll know what I'm talking about. I think birth stories are so interesting because every one's is different & if you don't write it down chances are you won't remember it all in a few years...or if you didn't have an epidural you'll probably never forget.
God bless epidurals.
Disclosure:
God bless epidurals.
Disclosure:
MEN BEWARE: The following will include details you probably don't want to read. I suggest you scroll on down to the last few paragraphs and skip the meat of this post. Trust me, you'll thank me later. So, here we go!
I was two days past my due date and went in for my final check up. The midwife checked me and told me I was still only a 1/2 centimeter dilated. Feeling totally discouraged, I cried my eyes out. I was physically and emotionally through with being pregnant and still showed no signs of going into labor anytime soon. I then cried even harder when she asked if she could strip my membranes (I really wish there was a better term for that. It sounds so vile). I wanted nothing more than to leave my "membranes" in tact & be stripped of nothing but the uncomfortable agony I was in. She assured me that it could help me to go into labor & after hearing that, I agreed. I was still crying as I gave my consent due to all the birthing forums telling me it would be painfully horrible, and just like Dr. Google, those women lie. As unpleasant as the term sounds, the procedure was over before I could even contemplate it happening. My midwife must have thought I was some emotional psycho who had no idea what I had gotten myself into.
Isn't it funny how at the end of your pregnancy you actually begin to believe that you may just be pregnant forever. As if, somehow that baby will just stay in you until the end of time. Despite all the jumping jacks and long walks I had been doing and still feeling no signs of going into labor, I was sure I would end up in the guinness book of world records as the eternally pregnant woman. What makes things worse is the constant calls and texts messages you receive asking "any contractions yet?" "Has the baby dropped yet?" "Have you lost your mucous plug yet?" Yes, people have the nerve to ask about my mucous plug, which thankfully I never lost, because that just sounds like something I never want to see. All the while, I kept responding "no, no, & no," wanting to scream at the top of my lungs "When I have the baby I'll let you know!!!! Until then, LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!"
But I set my hormones aside, and cordially responded to everyone.
The midwife then proceeded to check my blood pressure which was reading high. We waited another thirty minutes or so to retest and there was still no change. Within minutes we were informed to head over to the hospital, they had an open bed, and I was going to have to be induced that day. I immediately went from not wanting to remain pregnant any longer to thinking I could stick it out a few more days. Instantaneous panic came over me. I was so overwhelmed with anxiety and emotion surrounding the fact that 'today' would be the day. I never envisioned it being so orderly. I imagined total chaos, waking Miles up in the middle of the night and rushing over to the hospital. Reality was so opposite of everything I had imagined the birth to be like. We calmly gathered our belongings, I took a quick shower, and we drove to the hospital. Things were so mellow, Miles even ate a burrito on our way there. I internally freaked out as I poured salsa over his next bite thinking, "How on earth is he eating a burrito right now?!" When we arrived, we checked in and were showed to our room. It was as if we were checking into a hotel, but this hotel ran us $400 dollars a night, you leave 20lbs lighter & they send you home with a baby.
Isn't it funny how at the end of your pregnancy you actually begin to believe that you may just be pregnant forever. As if, somehow that baby will just stay in you until the end of time. Despite all the jumping jacks and long walks I had been doing and still feeling no signs of going into labor, I was sure I would end up in the guinness book of world records as the eternally pregnant woman. What makes things worse is the constant calls and texts messages you receive asking "any contractions yet?" "Has the baby dropped yet?" "Have you lost your mucous plug yet?" Yes, people have the nerve to ask about my mucous plug, which thankfully I never lost, because that just sounds like something I never want to see. All the while, I kept responding "no, no, & no," wanting to scream at the top of my lungs "When I have the baby I'll let you know!!!! Until then, LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!"
But I set my hormones aside, and cordially responded to everyone.
The midwife then proceeded to check my blood pressure which was reading high. We waited another thirty minutes or so to retest and there was still no change. Within minutes we were informed to head over to the hospital, they had an open bed, and I was going to have to be induced that day. I immediately went from not wanting to remain pregnant any longer to thinking I could stick it out a few more days. Instantaneous panic came over me. I was so overwhelmed with anxiety and emotion surrounding the fact that 'today' would be the day. I never envisioned it being so orderly. I imagined total chaos, waking Miles up in the middle of the night and rushing over to the hospital. Reality was so opposite of everything I had imagined the birth to be like. We calmly gathered our belongings, I took a quick shower, and we drove to the hospital. Things were so mellow, Miles even ate a burrito on our way there. I internally freaked out as I poured salsa over his next bite thinking, "How on earth is he eating a burrito right now?!" When we arrived, we checked in and were showed to our room. It was as if we were checking into a hotel, but this hotel ran us $400 dollars a night, you leave 20lbs lighter & they send you home with a baby.
The shock factor of everything that happened that day leaves events a bit blurry. What I do remember goes like this: Immediately the show began. After a plethora of questions, they administered my IV and hooked me up to the monitors which totally sucked. The woman who put my IV in must have been new. She said with squinted eyes, "I think I've got a good vein here, not too sure though, it's looking kind of thin and deep under the skin." Uncertainty is definitely not what you want to hear when your about to have a thick needle stabbed into you. Still looking unsure, I suggested she use my hand veins, which were prominently visible, so she did (don't you love telling the people with your life in their hands how to do their jobs?). Fortunately I didn't see her the rest of my stay, and the rest of the staff was great. After about five minutes of digging around, the girl finally got me hooked up. I still think this was one of the most painful parts of my entire labor. They then gave me a pill called "miso" which was supposed to ripen my cervix, and possibly even send me into natural labor. Yeah, you heard it right, "miso" just like the soup, except this serving wasn't followed up with sushi. The pill worked all right, a little too well. Within an hour I started having contractions. They were mild at first, but quickly picked up, and before I knew it my contractions were coming 1 minute apart. They couldn't administer a second dose of the pill because my contractions were so close together, so they let me wait it out for a few hours to see if I would just dilate on my own. When they checked me I was only at 2 centimeters! "You've got to be kidding me," I thought. Our nurse was named Cat, she was rad & she was from Philadelphia. I liked her, mostly because she kept bringing me lemon italian ice & she knew what she was doing. She was more confident than the doctor on staff. She told us on the east coast they frequently use something called a "foley bulb" when women aren't dilating, and it almost always works. She said the hospital we were at rarely used them & they weren't super comfortable giving me one. I finally decided I had to have one, hoping to avoid a C-section, and in turn the doctor agreed to perform. The foley bulb is basically a deflated balloon they put inside of you and blow up. The pressure of the balloon on your cervix manually dilates you. Sound painful? It is. This was the worst part of it all. The nurse warned me, but she said within 20 minutes, I'd get used to the pain. Well at this point I had declined all pain medication and still had no epidural. I waited the 20 minutes, in fact, I waited close to an hour and wasn't getting any more comfortable with the pain. I finally gave in and asked begged for an epidural, and I'm not sorry about it. I loved every minute of it.
The anasteciologist came in and I said, "No introductions needed, I'll sign whatever you need me to sign, please don't tell me I could possibly be paralyzed or die. I know you technically have to, but I don't want to hear it, I consent to whatever." After a quick, painless sting, he was done and I said, "You are seriously my favorite person of all time & I've never been happier to see you, I'm sure you get that a lot, but keep on doing what you do, because my back felt like it was about to fall off a few minutes ago and you totally fixed it." I'm sure he thought I was on drugs, but I was just on the high of being pain-free. The rest of my labor played out like a breeze. Miles took a few naps, I kept alternating sides and stared for hours at the glorious full moon outside. Before we knew it I was at 10 centimeters and ready to begin pushing. I started practice pushing with the nurse and she felt like things were moving faster than usual, so she called in the midwife, and in came the most joyous Irish woman who shared the same name as my mom. We loved her. She told me how to push and confirmed that what I was doing was working. I felt no pain. I pushed for about 15 minutes total and then in a single instance, our beautiful, blue-eyed, curly-haired baby boy was born. That moment was indescribable. And life hasn't been better since.
The anasteciologist came in and I said, "No introductions needed, I'll sign whatever you need me to sign, please don't tell me I could possibly be paralyzed or die. I know you technically have to, but I don't want to hear it, I consent to whatever." After a quick, painless sting, he was done and I said, "You are seriously my favorite person of all time & I've never been happier to see you, I'm sure you get that a lot, but keep on doing what you do, because my back felt like it was about to fall off a few minutes ago and you totally fixed it." I'm sure he thought I was on drugs, but I was just on the high of being pain-free. The rest of my labor played out like a breeze. Miles took a few naps, I kept alternating sides and stared for hours at the glorious full moon outside. Before we knew it I was at 10 centimeters and ready to begin pushing. I started practice pushing with the nurse and she felt like things were moving faster than usual, so she called in the midwife, and in came the most joyous Irish woman who shared the same name as my mom. We loved her. She told me how to push and confirmed that what I was doing was working. I felt no pain. I pushed for about 15 minutes total and then in a single instance, our beautiful, blue-eyed, curly-haired baby boy was born. That moment was indescribable. And life hasn't been better since.
This year has been so bitter-sweetly beautiful. It was one of the toughest, yet most rewarding years of my entire life. With it came a new identity for myself & and most notably the most indescribable journey I could have ever conjured up.
Motherhood took me by storm. I know many women feel connected to their babies from the moment they find out they're pregnant. For me pregnancy was trying & extremely tough. It was difficult for me to feel that immediate connection to the foreign being that was growing inside of me due to the fact that i felt sick the entire 9 months. That isn't something I am proud to admit, but it is the truth. I loved my baby no doubt, but being so sick made it difficult for me to really form a bond. Most of the time, pregnancy felt like a burden. I could tear up saying that knowing how many women would kill to be able to carry children. I wanted so much to have a joyful and natural experience, but instead I felt like a stranger in my own body & feeling sick left me feeling depressed.
Things suddenly changed the moment they put Luca in my arms. I've never felt so much of a connection to anyone in my entire life. We needed no introductions, it was as if he'd been a part of us the entire time. I was able to instantly draw a link between the life I carried & nurtured and this beautiful baby boy who was sleeping in my arms. Everything made sense.
It has been a wonderful year! I've had trials and tribulations, tears were shed, feeling inadequate was inevitable, and at times I didn't think I was sufficient enough for the job. I had my share of hardships, but more often than not, it has been pure bliss. With Luca's first birthday drawing so near, I can't help but feel like I've accomplished something great. In reality, Luca is the great one. He has brought more joy into my life than I ever thought possible, everyday is a new adventure. He teaches me patience, humility, and compassion; He is lively & innocent, loving & affectionate, magnificent & marvelous. He has brought the little girl that lives deep inside of me to the surface, and continuously keeps me young. He brings light to everything & everyone he surrounds and I simply cannot believe he is mine. Luca translates to "Bringer of light," and this little boy is shining like the sun.
Happy Birthday eve, my wondrous little boy. You changed my life that tuesday afternoon, and brought such meaning to all I was uncertain of. I may have made you, but you made me a mother, and that is the greatest gift I will ever know.
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