The countdown to 2014 begins.

This picture describes motherhood to a "t," Drool headed for my face, but somehow we're both smiling. I used to be a control freak. I liked to have every detail of my life scheduled out and I lived for deadlines. Deadlines for papers to be written, for appointments to be attended, for things to be done in a day. I'd have it all written down in a pretty little planner. I'd check things off my list as I'd go & at night when I'd lay down to sleep I'd think of all that was accomplished & I'd sleep sound. Well motherhood was a life change I hadn't anticipated and I was sent for a spin like I'd never experienced. I've had to learn to let go, accept that I cannot control everything, to embrace unpredictability (that has been a tough one), and I've had to accept that schedules are no longer concrete but tentative (although my pretty little planner got to stick around--I can't let it all go to pot!). I've learned to pack for all scenarios and to laugh when drool lands directly in my eye--natural eye drops anyone? I'll have to have this picture framed and use it as a reminder to keep on smiling. There's an old Nat King Cole song my mom used to sing to me when I was a little girl. She'd sing "When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by... If you smile through your pain and sorrow, smile and maybe tomorrow, you'll see the sun come shining through for you, if you just smile..." I find myself humming it to Luca as I rock him to sleep at night, but more so it's for me. It's a piece of my mom & that brings me comfort. 

If there's one lesson I'm taking with me into 2014 it is to never take anything too seriously. Life is fleeting & fragile, and one day when I'm looking back on it all I don't want to think "I wish I'd have had more fun." Nope. I want to be present in the moment. I don't want to spend today tied up in yesterday or tomorrow. You're supposed to say things you want rather than what you don't, so in that case, I want to be here now. I'm still new at this mom gig, but everyday I'm loving it more and more. It's the best title I've ever taken on, and he's the best thing that has ever happened to me. 

The word I've chosen to bring with me into 2014 is "Resilient." I'm bringing with me resilient and all that word encompasses--strong, tough, quick to recover, flexible, pliable, durable, and so on. I've braved a thousand storms, and here I am. I need to remember that I am stronger than I know, my abilities are greater than I give myself credit for, and my choices mold my realities. I have no regrets in life, only lessons. When I look back on situations I can't change, I take in the words of the great Maya Angelou and remember that if I would have known better, I'd have done better. And now that I know better, I do better. This year I'm betting on me, cause if I don't, who else will? If I continue making up excuses for why I can't do this or that, I will never become the person I want to be. So this year and from now on, I'm all in. I'm taking a risk, but I think it's a good one, cause with all bets on me the odds can only be in my favor. So with only two more days left in this year, let's make them count, cause you'd better believe 2014 will be my year.

xx